new poem

***

I wanted to write a poem

about rising from the ashes

resurrection

rebirth

or at least reinvention

I’d call it “Phoenix”

or something else as grandiose and cliche

but then

sunbeams and warm air

leaves shooting from my fingertips

flowers opening in my hair

toes deep in the sand

simply alive

no big words

just

spring

 

IMG_0542

Advertisements

no worries

no worries- he said

but… I’m made of worries

fears and sadness

I can not stop

yes worries

always yes worries

overthinking

heart racing

trembling

shivering

panicking

out-of-control

no worries- he said

will he make them go away?

will he?

will he?

today

2

 

THE KIND ONES

THE KIND ONES

when darkness falls
on your heart
on your soul
no one will notice

they’ll drink their teas
chat about the weather
turn on the radio
and talk about the importance
of empathy

oh, the mindful ones
so non-judgmental
the kind ones
that look the other way
while you
hold back tears
or cry silently
in the bathroom

they are so nice and caring
they will tell you all
about their need
to make this world 
a better place

they will say things like:
safe space
and:
everybody’s welcome

they will give talks on:
meditation
yoga
wellbeing
self-care

and fail to notice
fresh cuts
old scars

they’ll let darkness
to swallow you whole
because you are not
wearing your diagnose
on your sleeve

you have no badge
saying “vulnerable”

you have no “mental illness”tattoo
on your forehead

high functioning
high acting
high high

and hiding when low

some of them,
oh yes,
will even use
most beautiful word:
love

the universal one of course
not that particular one
that holds your hand
and wraps you in a blanket 

and when you try to show them
this is what I need
this is who I am
they roll their eyes
or snap

cause you’re too much
your muchness is
unnerving
annoying
loud
WRONG

especially if you do not disclose
what type of crazy you are

and even when you do
they still
will talk
about:
meditation
yoga
wellbeing
self-care
and maybe throw in some
mindfulness
minimalism
healthy diet
positive thinking

and will call you judgmental
when you politely tell them 
to FUCK OFF
with their bullshit

so
what do you do?
where do you go?
when safe space is only safe
if you swallow your meditation
like a good girl
when you stay positive
like a good boy
when you eat your daily exercise
and stay on the right path
bright path
nice path

what do you do?
where do you go?
when the only safe space
is curled
on the floor
in the dark

alone

finally something new ;)

DEFINITION

what poetry is?

sunrise

vanilla and cinnamon 

sunset

what poetry is?

smile

dog’s fur and cat’s purr

coffee

what poetry is?

clouds

raindrops and rainbows

music

what poetry is?

eyelashes

freckles and tickles

lips

what poetry is?

tears

you and me

fire

what poetry is?

magic?

life

song or poem?

it feels like magic

he said he loved her
so much

so much

he left
in the morning

and she smiled
sad little smile

nothing is forever
not even love
that feels like magic

he said this is it
today

today

he left
so quietly

while she slept
in someone else’s arms

nothing is forever
not even love
that feels like magic

never take it for granted
never turn your back and say:
yeah, whatever

cause you know love
you know it only too well
something so beautiful
can be gone in a blink
and never
ever
come back

nothing is forever
not even love
that feels like magic

IMG_5638