Go deeper than love, for the soul has greater depths,
love is like the grass, but the heart is deep wild rock
molten, yet dense and permanent.
Go down to your deep old heart, woman, and lose sight of yourself.
And lose sight of me, the me whom you turbulently loved.
Let us lose sight of ourselves, and break the mirrors.
For the fierce curve of our lives is moving again to the depths
out of sight, in the deep dark living heart.
…I do not want a woman whom age cannot wither.
She is a made-up lie, a dyed immortelle
of infinite staleness.
From ‘Know Deeply, Know Thyself More Deeply’ by DH Lawrence
I didn’t cry
I did not cry for you
it felt like I just turned my head for a second and when I turned back
you were gone
and I didn’t cry
I was angry and sad and disappointed
how could you just go?
how could you leave me like this?
we supposed to have years and years together
we supposed to watch David Attenborough
and drink far too much coffee
and eat cookies
and you’d smoke a lot
you knew it’s bad for you
and I knew it’s bad for you
but I’d say nothing and just hand you a lighter
you’d drink cognac “for your blood pressure” and I’d have few drops in my egg yolks beaten with sugar
you’d sit in your armchair curled up with legs crossed in an impossible way
and I’d bring you stories
and you’d share yours
none of this will happen ever again
I did not cry
as in some odd way
you’re still with me
I’m part of you
you’re part of me
always will be
no need for tears
small things are the most important
strong coffee at down
my cat’s purr
my dog’s smile
the smell of a new book
taste of chocolate
beach and wind and sky
when we walk holding hands
a continuous thing
bit by bit
that’s where I find it
the significance and sense
the meaning of life
no worries- he said
but… I’m made of worries
fears and sadness
I can not stop
always yes worries
no worries- he said
will he make them go away?
I have no time to write… so for now just a photo of my beautiful friends and their puppy Alfie, my Nuala’s brother
it’s absolutely wild outside today
would still love to go to the beach and take more pics but I hurt my back and I have school this evening so have to be sensible
this was two days ago
“Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety; other women cloy
The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry
Where most she satisfies; for vilest things
Become themselves in her, that the holy priests
Bless her when she is riggish.”