“it’s no fun being old but the alternative is far worse”

said my nearly 67 yo friend today

and yes, she meant dead

and I guess for her it is

but not for me

there is no pain, no fear, no misery when I’m dead

and yes, there is no happiness and fulfillment either but I don’t mind

I’m not afraid or sad that I have to die (even if that would be soon)

I’m afraid of living shit life in pain where I have no energy, health or simply will to do things my way, to be ME

I’m afraid of depending on others, of being helpless and I am really afraid of living in physical pain

dead I won’t feel and the sadness will be behind me (hopefully I’ll leave some people behind missing me a bit ;p )

dead I’m gone, there is nothing to be ME anymore so there is no good or bad, better like old or worse like dead 🙂

well maybe for people still alive it will make a difference and they’d like me better old than dead but personally I’d rather be dead than sick/in pain

and don’t get me wrong, old can be ok too, I’m not saying it can’t, I’m just saying that (for me) imnsho the alternative is as good if not better 🙂

that’s all

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About RudaKawa

Jestem szurniętą kobietą w średnim wieku, wiedźmą, poetką, wymądrzalską Małą Mi, która nie wiedzieć po co dorosła, mieszkam w Irlandii, na wsi, z moimi rudymi kotami i ukochaną sunią. Czytam, piszę, tańczę i śpiewam, piję hektolitry kawy i zagryzam czekoladą, mam serce i ciało w rozmiarze XXL, jestem uboga groszem, ale bogata duchem, zapraszam!! :)
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