lovely day

it was sunny even if tiny bit chilly 🙂

up early, fed animals, shower, make up and off to Country Market

bought some chowder, fudge, maroccan burgers, all fresh and local stuff

met some lovely people, chats and smiles

it was good

after that journey with friend to a nearby town, coffee, chat, chill, SO GOOD!

pictures on a drive back

and after cookie and coffee, and reading outside

bit cold but so sweet with sunshine and my cats going crazy, chasing each other, rolling on the warm ground

after I rearranged my work/writing space and annoyed Maika, my ginger cat (I wouldn’t let her snuggle in my arms as I tried to write) so she showed me how displeased she is by climbing on top of bookcase, silly kittie

perfect time

it finally feels like Spring 😀

 

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mad hatter

I like hats

I’m just not so sure hats like me, especially after I chopped  my locs bit too short

hatty challenge: grow my hair long enough to look good in my hats again

and GET MORE HATS, and wear them 😉 (that is a big challenge with winds here in Ireland ;p )

for now I have four

what you think?

compliments

don’t you just love it when someone says: your hair (make-up, dress, shape, whatever) is great, much better than before!

yeah

great

especially when “before” is natural and the way that I mostly wear it/am

I was complimented like this today, aquaintance commented on my photo: your hair is lovely, much better this way than curly

well

this is my natural messy hair (colour is fake of course and I love it this way and sometimes my hair is more curly sometimes it’s just messy-like here ;p )

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and this is the straightened version she complimented (also freshly dyed):

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now, it’s not the question if I look better with straight or messy hair, with or without make-up, de gustibus non est disputandum

I like it both ways as I simply like myself

even when I look like this ( before shower, no make up and in my mum’s t-shirt) ;p

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it’s about the way people think they’re being nice and they say nice things while what they really do is tell you “you’re not good enough the way you are/were”

and it’s not necessarily cause they want to be mean, it’s just that they don’t realise what they’re doing, they may honestly think that your look is better now then before and they don’t understand that saying it the way they do is actually belittleing and harmful

so what to do if someone (in our opinion) REALLY looks better with whatever they changed about their appearence? and we want to compliment them and kinda hint that it looks better?

I think it is safe to say: I like it more this way and I think it really suits you

make it personal preference (I like, I love, I prefer) and always ALWAYS accentuate how great it is and how amazing, noticing details and so on and so on without saying ANYTHING negative about other/before look

it’s that simple!

and I know girl that complimented me ment well

but tbh I will NOT straighten my hair more often to please anybody

too much hassle :p

 

“it’s no fun being old but the alternative is far worse”

said my nearly 67 yo friend today

and yes, she meant dead

and I guess for her it is

but not for me

there is no pain, no fear, no misery when I’m dead

and yes, there is no happiness and fulfillment either but I don’t mind

I’m not afraid or sad that I have to die (even if that would be soon)

I’m afraid of living shit life in pain where I have no energy, health or simply will to do things my way, to be ME

I’m afraid of depending on others, of being helpless and I am really afraid of living in physical pain

dead I won’t feel and the sadness will be behind me (hopefully I’ll leave some people behind missing me a bit ;p )

dead I’m gone, there is nothing to be ME anymore so there is no good or bad, better like old or worse like dead 🙂

well maybe for people still alive it will make a difference and they’d like me better old than dead but personally I’d rather be dead than sick/in pain

and don’t get me wrong, old can be ok too, I’m not saying it can’t, I’m just saying that (for me) imnsho the alternative is as good if not better 🙂

that’s all

about ageing

I’ve got an email from a friend where she was describing her emotional issue: having crush on much younger guy

she is a mature student, (over 40) and he’s 27/28 lad from same year

I’m not going to tell you all complicated story but what hit me the most in her email was that she was apparently ashamed of her age

she had a problem telling how old she is to her younger co-students (male and female)

she was dodging the question and, on top of it, getting rather upset about the fact that her crush may find out

as a woman at 43 years of age I can understand why she feels this way

we live in a culture that puts youth on pedestal, expecially for women

if you’re not young and pretty, you’re not fuckable enough-you don’t matter, you disappear

also when you’re fat

so god forbid being over 40, regular, overweight female-you should cease to exist in society’s eyes

and then… you DON’T

well I DON’T

and I never felt like I should

younger lovers? bring it on!

my wonderful partner? yep, nine years younger

did I experience invisibility? oh yes

very much so

but I did not run away from good things, from beauty, from interesting relationships because of age difference

we are told by media, society, whatever, that over 40 we’re done as attractive, sexual, sensual beauties (unless we look like photoshopped models, spend hours at gym or money on cosmetics and plastic surgeries)

well I say BULLSHIT

it’s not a competition with younger women and if we see relationships as such we won’t go far anyway

we’ve made it ladies! we’ve made it through highs and lows, through hearbreaks and challenges, through good times and terrible times

we have wrinkles and grey hair

some of us are fat, some have parts missing, scars and hair in weird places

but we survived! we made it!

we can do make up and colour our hair (I do, I love my red coloured hair) or we can grow out grey and stop shaving our legs-that’s cool too

we can NOT GIVE A FUCK of what people think about us and we can be proud of our age and who we are

also when the  young beautiful men are attracted to us and us to them WE CAN GO FOR IT joyfully and without shame and guilt

because there is nothing wrong with it 🙂

tell him your age dear, do it with pride and be happy about it

and if he’s got a problem with it he’s not the right person to have anything going on with anyway :p

but he won’t if he likes you 😉

being happy and selfassured is the sexiest thing ever

so yeah, lovely middleaged ladies

we are AMAZING!

not because 40 is new 30

but beacuse 40 is AWESOME! 😀

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over 40 and feeling beautiful 🙂

 

 

honey time

this is one of those wonderful days

I’m visiting my lover and time with him always has a different pace

lazy, sweet, loving, slow

just how I like it the most

even more mellow this time, as he hurt his knee and can’t walk

so we drink coffee, eat gorgeous food, watch superhero and children films

we read

I write

he draws

and we cuddle a lot

and kiss a lot

and sex a bit

sweet time just for us, no one else

just few more days

so beautiful

we are lovers and friends and (non-monogamous) partners and our togheter is always precious as we live far away from each other

honey time is a perfect time 🙂

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