tough

not easy

when your home is not yours

when you’re told by hysterical landlady:

go live in a council house, you are lazy

because you didn’t mawn the lawn

but oh no

she is not going to sign the contract with you

pay taxes

do it by the book

so

no medical card

no insurance

but pay your rent on time or…

do the maintenance or…

her duties as landlady non-existing

your duties as tenant fluid

depending on her mood

and what she imagines you agreed to

there is nothing written so there is no proof to any agreements

but it’s you who is bad bad tenant

because you do not invest your own money

in her property

so

you know you’ll be looking again

for new home

that allows pets and witches

that smells of turf and vanilla

and is walking distance from beach, or forest or both

you’ll be borrowing money 

for the deposit

packing and unpacking again

settling in again

and trying to keep your blood pressure down

cause you really don’t want to have a heart attack or stroke

that would be very

very

inconvenient

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new poem

the kiss

you touch my cheek gently
your face so close to mine
I can count freckles on your eyelids
we both smile
unruly lock of my hair tickling your nose
-yes?- you ask
-yes, please-I answer
your lips on mine
tip of your tongue gently touching the tip of mine
you pull me closer
I hold you tighter
hips to hips
chest to chest
skin to skin
fingers intertwined
deeper!
I want you deeper
you want me deeper
melting into each other
heartbeats
breath
sweat
we just can’t get enough
more!
more more more
so intense that we tremble
and we know
there is no way back
to where we were before

30.07.18

Inevitability of longing

“Never love a wild thing… you can’t give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they’re strong enough to run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That’s how you’ll end up If you let yourself love a wild thing. You’ll end up looking at the sky…

…it’s better to look at the sky than live there. Such an empty place; so vague. Just a country where the thunder goes and things disappear.”

Truman Capote

 
Inevitability of longing
I am a wild woman, forever free;
you are a wild man, up on the hill
we clash
injured wild things
clinging to each other in the dark
hold me
hold me tight and sweet
And I’ll hold you
for life
And we’ll go mercurial
And we’ll show teeth and growl
And sleep together again
peacefully
Dreaming of sunny days
of safe nights
Growing stronger
And we both will end up
looking at the sky
where the thunder goes
and things disappear
for F. written on 23.06.18
rewritten on 26.06.18

old poem translated/rewritten

DARK MAGIC

sharing one breath
inhale-exhale
our lips pressed tight together

dizzy

intertwined

I’m falling apart

shards of me

I drive them in
deep under your skin
with my fingertips

and even if
one day
you are
a 1000 miles away

when I think of you
you’ll feel pain

new poem

***

I wanted to write a poem

about rising from the ashes

resurrection

rebirth

or at least reinvention

I’d call it “Phoenix”

or something else as grandiose and cliche

but then

sunbeams and warm air

leaves shooting from my fingertips

flowers opening in my hair

toes deep in the sand

simply alive

no big words

just

spring

 

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