THE KIND ONES

THE KIND ONES

when darkness falls
on your heart
on your soul
no one will notice

they’ll drink their teas
chat about the weather
turn on the radio
and talk about the importance
of empathy

oh, the mindful ones
so non-judgmental
the kind ones
that look the other way
while you
hold back tears
or cry silently
in the bathroom

they are so nice and caring
they will tell you all
about their need
to make this world 
a better place

they will say things like:
safe space
and:
everybody’s welcome

they will give talks on:
meditation
yoga
wellbeing
self-care

and fail to notice
fresh cuts
old scars

they’ll let darkness
to swallow you whole
because you are not
wearing your diagnose
on your sleeve

you have no badge
saying “vulnerable”

you have no “mental illness”tattoo
on your forehead

high functioning
high acting
high high

and hiding when low

some of them,
oh yes,
will even use
most beautiful word:
love

the universal one of course
not that particular one
that holds your hand
and wraps you in a blanket 

and when you try to show them
this is what I need
this is who I am
they roll their eyes
or snap

cause you’re too much
your muchness is
unnerving
annoying
loud
WRONG

especially if you do not disclose
what type of crazy you are

and even when you do
they still
will talk
about:
meditation
yoga
wellbeing
self-care
and maybe throw in some
mindfulness
minimalism
healthy diet
positive thinking

and will call you judgmental
when you politely tell them 
to FUCK OFF
with their bullshit

so
what do you do?
where do you go?
when safe space is only safe
if you swallow your meditation
like a good girl
when you stay positive
like a good boy
when you eat your daily exercise
and stay on the right path
bright path
nice path

what do you do?
where do you go?
when the only safe space
is curled
on the floor
in the dark

alone

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her turn

LOVE THAT FELT LIKE MAGIC

cheeky smile
sparkly eyes
messy hair

I’ve seen it before

interlaced fingers
gentle hand strokes
nuzzling neck

I’ve felt it before

holding hands
touching hair
sweet kisses

I’ve been there before

soft whispers
breath in the ear
special music 

I’ve had that before

not so long ago
he made me love him
with the same little tricks

not so long ago
he had eyes
for me only

not so long ago
he held me
like it’s the end of the world

not so long ago
his scent on my skin
in the morning

and his words:
I love you so much
so much

not anymore

IMG_4811

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***

SO CLOSE

 

shhhhhh

can you hear it?

listen

it is not a cat purring

it is not a bird singing

it is not butterflies wings

 

shhhhh

can you hear it?

it’s my soul purring

it’s my blood singing

it’s my heart fluttering

 

ahhhhh

your ear pressed to my chest

so close I can breathe in the scent of your hair

your eyes closed, lips parted

 

shhhhh

let’s stay

this way

forever

1

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finally something new ;)

DEFINITION

what poetry is?

sunrise

vanilla and cinnamon 

sunset

what poetry is?

smile

dog’s fur and cat’s purr

coffee

what poetry is?

clouds

raindrops and rainbows

music

what poetry is?

eyelashes

freckles and tickles

lips

what poetry is?

tears

you and me

fire

what poetry is?

life

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one from 2014

***

I am not in love
but I’m head over heels in lust
can’t help it
there is a drop of infatuation
a pinch of crush
and an ocean of lust
mountain of desire
there will be love
one day
maybe
for now
it is
what it is
making my blood sing
making my heart dance
making my skin burn
you

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do you love yourself?

are you your own friend?

I hear it only too often when saying that it’s hard for me that all my loved and loving ones live far from here (nearest’s in Dublin)

that there is no one here that I love and they love me back

ffs PEOPLE! would you shove that psychology-for-idiots stuff up your patronising assess?

I do love myself, I am my own best friend and most interesting company

if I don’t have many relationships where I live is BECAUSE I HAVE FUCKING STANDARDS

I’m not interested in bullshit

I’m not interested in lies

in gossip

in pretence

in neglect

in stupidity

in drugs and/or alcohol

I’d rather have real and amazing relationships with people far away than shite ones here (and yes, I can have both! and I do, have some wonderful friendships here but me being me: not enough! want more 😀 )

I may not see my loved ones for as often as I would like to but I KNOW I’m in their hearts and thoughts because they proved it more than once

that’s why if someone declares their love after few weeks of knowing me I’ m like: really? bullshit!

you don’t know me, you may lust after me, you may have a gigantic crush but it is NOT LOVE, and it’s not friendship

not to my standards

and yes, it can be hard here because this place is very small and I don’t have much choice but I’d rather spend time in my own beloved and friendly company than waste it on shallow, stupid and pointless relationships

not because I do not love myself but because I love myself enough to be wise about it

learned it hard way

brilliant painful lesson

and it’s NO THANKS until we know each other really well, good and bad, prettiest and ugliest

like I do with “my” people, ones that I’m true friends/loves for years and years

we fought and worked for those relationships to last and to deepen

I’m not interested in less!

 

 

 

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new one

SUMMER IS COMING

and with it

sunshine

freckles

cheeky smiles

and the scent

of freshly brewed coffee

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